An unnamed source has revealed that the Navy is in the final iteration of a new order to combat mind altering substances. The source notes that a proposal is in the works to place all Thai food, Indian food, and similar specialty restaurants off-limits. They are hoping to cut-off the spicy foods defense thinking back some years to the now discredited brownie defense in THC cases.
Based on the broad definitional language in the current order a number of personnel have queried whether it is safe to eat in “foreign” restaurants or buy food in the specialty foods aisle at the grocery. Noting the presence of possibly illegal substances at the commissary in the spice section a senior military official has leaked the latest antidrug slogan – “Meat and Potato’s are best for you, avoid that foreign food.” It’s also thought a new militarized edition of Mr. Potato will be in the NEX for Christmas – Mr. Potato in cammies, with a folding stock M4 option.